（连载）一个“黑二代”的平凡的世界

悠悠岁月

一个“黑二代”的平凡的世界

悠悠岁月 （原创）

我的“平凡的世界”（代序，双语版）

My Ordinary World (in Place of the Preface)

曾经热播的电视连续剧《平凡的世界》，我看到了30集。我想前30集也许是最值得我看的，因为这30集主要反映了那个时代农民的苦难和苦难的根源，虽然它的背景是西北地区，其山川地貌、风土人情、语言风格和我的家乡——鲁南地区，都差别很大，但是其记述的当地农民的艰难和那个时代的政治灾难却和这边大同小异。所以，观看电视剧，仿佛又把我带回到那个悲惨的年代，带回到我洒汗流血的土地上，带回到我参加过的学大寨的大会战中，带回到故乡那一家家走不完的磨道上和漆黑的灶房中，带回到那些愁肠百转的日日夜夜。我永远不要再过那种日子，但是，我永远不会忘记那些岁月，不会忘记苦难的根源，我也希望后代永远记住那荒唐的年代。

I watched 30 episodes of the TV hit "the Ordinary World", which once attracted a large audience. I guess these might be most worth watching for me, because these 30 episodes mainly reflects the suffering and misery of China’s peasants in that era, and the cause of the misery. Although its background is the northwest, and its mountains and landscapes, customs and the local dialect are quite different from those of my hometown–Southern Shandong, but the peasants’ miserable life and the political disasters it reflects are quite similar to those I myself experienced and that happened in our area then. Therefore, watching the drama, I feel as if it's taken me back——back to the miserable times，back to the farmland on which my sweat and blood fell, back to the great “Battle of Learning from Dazhai Village”I once took part in, back to the no-end path round the stone mill and the dark earthen kitchen every household had in my hometown, and back to the days and nights on which I was so worried about how to live on. I will never live that life again, but I will never forget those old days! I will forever keep in mind the root cause of the sufferings, and I do hope that future generations will always remember the absurd times.

作为孙少安们同一时代的人，我也想把我的“平凡的世界”呈现出来。不过，我的“平凡的世界”和孙少安们的又有很大不同，因为孙少安头上还有一顶贫下中农后代的红帽子，而我的世界除了同样受穷挨饿，还一度有一顶看不见的黑色的政治帽子压得不敢喘气，我比他更卑微。

I, too, want to present my own “Ordinary World”. I once lived through the same times and over the same hardship as the Suns. However, on the other hand, my “ordinary world” was different from that of the Suns, because the Suns’family background was a “poor and lower-middle peasant”, while besides the same poverty and hunger as the Suns’, I, for quite a long time, had a “black” political hat on my head which pressed me so heavily that I almost choked. I belonged to an even lower class than the Suns.

我的命运注定和艰难结缘。我1951年出生在沂河畔的一个村子，伴随着举国的红旗。很小时候的记忆就是统购统销时期，粮食紧缺，爷爷领着我去前街排队购买煎饼。

My fate doomed my life to sorrow and hardship. I was born in 1951 in a village on the Yihe River , along with red flags all over the nation. The first thing I could memorize was that I had followed Grandpa to a rather faraway place, waiting in a long line to buy pancakes. That was during the times when the government’s police of United Purchase and United Sale of Grain, which resulted in the shortage of food.

1958年，大跃进，我入小学，举办社办班，我被分到社办班，老师就是村里的年轻社员，一年级就换了三个老师。三年级时，社办班撤销，合并到公办班，受尽歧视。

I went to school in 1958.It was during the movement of the Great Leap Forward. The village-run classes were set up and I was distributed to such a class, in which we had three temporary teachers in one year, one after another, all from young peasants of the village. Then in Grade Three, the village-run classes were undone and our class was incorporated into a state-run class, in which we were looked down upon by the teachers and pupils of the original class.

吃公共食堂，家里锅碗瓢盆都被没收,家中不准冒烟。困难的时候，是吃不到孙少安吃的那种有高粱面的黑窝窝头的，那时候那种窝头对饥肠辘辘的我可胜似山珍啊，我们吃的多的是烂地瓜干面做的坚硬的黑窝头，更困难的时候，吃的是老地瓜秧子掺上地瓜干面子蒸在一起的窝头，还有吃了拉不出来的花生壳粉窝头。天寒地冻，胆小害羞的我拉着讨饭棍去邻村讨饭，空空而归。

Then peasants were forced to dine at public canteens when the people’s commune was set up. All grains were confiscated by the commune, including everything that was connected with eating such as pots, pans and so on. No household was allowed to cook anything at home. At the difficult time, I could not have the black wowotou made of sorghum flour that Sun Shaoan ate. Even what he ate would have been something delicious for the starving me if I had been able to get. What we often ate was solid wowotou made of flour of rotten sweet potatoes. And even such supply was not enough. And we ate steamed old sweet potato stems mixed with sweet potato flour, which tasted terribly bitter. What impressed me most was something the canteen supplied made of crushed peanut shells which I could hardly swallow. What was more, moving bowels was so difficult after eating that constipation often happened. On a coldest windy afternoon, I， who had been a very timid and shy boy, went to a neighboring village begging pulling a begging stick. The result was that I returned without anything after wandering there all over the village.

1961年，塌天大祸降，年仅49岁的父亲突然离世，全家陷入绝境，不知道路是否还能走下去。此后，我又多了一个让孩子们歧视和自卑的条件。

Then in the very year of 1961, the most difficult year, a disaster fell down upon our family as if the heaven fell——my dear father suddenly passed away, without an word left for me. The whole family fell into deep despair, wondering if we would be able to live on. Afterwards, a boy without Dad was another reason for which I was looked down upon and was more self-abased.

1962年，食堂解散，离饿死的威胁远了一点，但是还是吃不饱。从上小学开始，放学后就要割草、捡柴、放猪放羊。

The public canteens were disbanded in 1962, and after that people escaped from starving to death, but still far from having enough to eat. After school, I had to work, cutting weeds, collecting firewood, and herding a pig or a goat and so on, and this had started at the age when I began schooling.

1964年， “四清”工作队进村。乌云再次笼罩家庭。“四清”扩大化，工作队硬给故去的父亲一顶不戴帽子的富农.

In 1964, the Four Clean-ups Movement working team came to our village. And this drove away the smiles and brought worries back. The working team persisted that my father, who had passed away many years, be given a rich peasant hat ( a bad political label). And this threw our family into long-time horror.

从那时起，我就成了“黑二代”或者说是政治奴隶。1965年，读初中的我，助学金被取消。新换的叫做“阎王”的班主任把我当成了阶级斗争的对象，政治歧视和无缘无故的训斥压得我喘不开气。二哥的对象也吹了，征兵、入团也没有他的份。

After that I was driven to the untouchable class, in other words, I became a slave in politics. And ever since then my family were discriminated against. In 1965 when I was in Junior Grade 2, my two yuan’s financial aid, which was so important for me, was cancelled. The teacher in charge, who was a son of a revolutionary martyr, treated me as an object of “ class struggle”. I was so pressed by his political discrimination and scolding without any reasons that I could hardly breathe. And my second elder brother’s engaged would-be wife broke away from him soon after. What was more, he was not allowed to join the army and the League, which he had been longing for.

初二读了一半时，文革风暴至。同学们的歧视升级，不但当不上红卫兵，还有调皮男孩常常追打我，骂我“狗崽子”。文革风刮进农村，一直想入团的二哥遭受批斗。一贫如洗的家两次被抄，弄得鸡飞狗跳。抄家的锣鼓声吓得母亲多年害怕锣鼓声。

Then, when I had just finished the first term of my second year in Junior 2, the so-called Great Cultural Revolution broke out. The discrimination from my classmates became more serious. I was not able to join the Red Guards. What’s more, a few naughty boys often ran after and hit me, calling me Gouzaizi (an insulting call for the discriminated people’s children). The Cultural Revolution also spread to the countryside. Then my second elder brother, who had been wishing to follow the Party, was criticized at a meeting. Afterwards, our poor house was twice searched and our property was confiscated. The whole household was left in disorder. My old mother was so terrified by the sound of gongs and drums from the team of the house-searching that she would get very afraid of hearing the sound of gongs and drums in many years.

1968年，学校革委会发一本毛的语录本，我们毕业了。

In 1968, we were given a small copy of Chairman Mao’s Quotations—we “finished” our middle-school.

弱小的身体，从此正式加入了“战天斗地”的行列。各种农活，各种脏活，我都干过。拉地排车，拉马车，在采石场采石头，去社员家里挖大粪，酷暑严冬，收割耕种，冬天去外地参加劳役般的农田水利大会战，睡在人家过道里冰冷的土地上，胳膊累酸了，肩膀累疼了，腰肢累得动不了，手上的血口子向外渗血。

Afterwards, I formally became a commune member, taking part in manual labor with my thin and weak body. I took part in all kinds of farm labor and all kinds of dirty work，such as pulling the cart, pulling the carriage，mining stone, and collecting human waste from the villagers’ houses. I worked in the field, sowing and harvesting, in hottest summer or terribly cold winter. Several times I went to faraway places to take part in the irrigation and water conservancy construction in very cold winter, spending nights on the cold mud floors in the local peasants’ corridors. Tiredness made my shoulders and arms ache, my arms and waist could hardly move and the wounds on my hands were bleeding.

身体上受害，脑子也被洗，生活艰难，认为是没有落实毛泽东的思想。心里还是要“跟着毛主席干革命”，经常学习毛选，背诵“老三篇”和毛语录。

Not only was I physically harmed but also ideologically harmed.I stupidly thought it was because Mao Zedong’s thoughts had not been well implemented that the peasants’ life was miserable. Though in a precarious state, I was still determined to “following Chairman Mao to stem revolution”. And I often learned Mao’s selected works. I could recite Mao’s “Lao Sanpian”( old three articles) and many of Mao’s quotations. I even managed to build a “Mao’s Precious Book Stand” to display Mao’s portrait and his red-covered books in my broken straw-made hut.

出牛马力，还是缺吃少穿，“丰衣足食”就是一个神话！一年又一年，年年不改变。我渴望改变命运，可是夜色茫茫，看不到路。没有路，还是要在荆棘中走下去，还是要生存。为了生存，我参加过哄抢紫穗槐根，大冬天去罗庄巨大的煤矸石堆上淘煤空手而归，偷偷地搞“资本主义”：编织麦秸辫子、贩卖兔子，步行100多里贩卖地瓜秧粉，在雪花中贩卖草鞋，去外县贩卖鲤鱼,住在冰冷的地瓜屋子里。

Although I, like everyone in our area, worked as hard as cattle, I was still short of food and clothing. Enough food and clothing was really a myth. Year after year saw no improvement. I longed for my fate to change, but saw no way in all darkness. Although there was no way, but I would not let my fate lying down. I tried hard to struggle through the thistles and thorns and I would not give myself up. To stay alive, I took part in digging the roots of the state-owned Amorphafruticosal illegally for firewood. To stay alive, I went together with some other peasants to Luozhuang to pick “coal” from the huge coal gangue heap in a terribly cold winter, only to return without anything. To stay alive, I did things of “capitalism” in secret: weaving wheat straw braids, buying and selling rabbits, walking more than 50 KMs to trade crushed sweet potato stems and walking in snow several tens of KMs to buy straw sandals. And once I spent a night at a very cold cellar for storing sweet potatoes in order to buy and sell fish in another county.

参加大队的建筑队，修桥、盖房子，每天步行十几里去工地，累得抬不动腿。

I took part in building bridges and houses in the commune’s building team. For this work, I walked 10 KMs or more to the construction site. The very hard labor made me so tired that I could hardly lift my feet after a day’s work.

我也有梦想，为了梦想，我自学针刺，可是进不去大队卫生室，虽然大队卫生室那个赤脚医生什么都不懂。为了梦想，我学习钻研农业科学实验，根据调查，写成了《地瓜烂根病调查报告》，省农科院来信要我去参加学术大会，可是却被青年专业队长代替我去了。

I, too, had a dream, as other young people. For my dream, I taught myself Chinese acupuncture and practiced on myself. However I could not work at the brigade’s clinic, though it only had a “barefoot doctor” who knew nothing about medicine. For my dream, I studied agricultural scientific knowledge and did experiments. According my survey, I wrote “A Report About the Root-rotting Disease of Sweet Potatoes” and posted it to the province’s Academy of Agricultural Sciences. It was praised by them and they wrote to invite me to go and attend an academic conference. However, the brigade sent the team head of the so-called Youth’s Professional Team to attend it instead of me.

眼看着有关系的青年，不论是几乎不识字的，还是傻了吧唧的，参军了，被“推荐”上大学了，招工了，连考不上初中的民办教师教出来的学生都当了民办教师了，我这个省重点中学的优等生却当不上。任何稍微“鲜明”一点的事都没有我的份,任何可以使用我的文化的地方我都去不了。上学的门堵上了，入团的门堵上了，参军的门堵上了，当工人的门堵上了，连去大队青年专业队干活、当个临时工的门都堵上了！公平的严重缺失摧残着我的心！

Some better-related youths in my village, no matter they were hardly educated or muddleheaded, were recruited into the Army or factories, or recommended into colleges. Even some youths whose teachers were those that had not been able to enter middle-school through examinations had become citizen-managed teachers, but I could not, though I had been an excellent student at a provincial key middle-school. I had no right to do any work that a little better suited me and I were not allowed to do any work at which I could use my culture and knowledge. Blocked! All ways were blocked by the power. The way of being educated was blocked, the way of joining the League or the Army was blocked, the way of going to factories was blocked, and even the way of doing farm work in the Youths’ Special Team or working as a temporary worker was blocked. I wished for fairness but there was not any. I wished to cry for fairness but there was no place. And the severe lack of fairness depressed me.

没有任何道路！可是，我还不甘心，我还要挣扎。终于，在姐夫的帮助下，找到了一个在地区水稻试验站打工的活，我终于当了一段帮助搞水稻实验的临时工，每天9毛钱，交生产队7毛。在那里，我发挥了我的学识，并且萌发了爱情。可是，当我谨慎地向她表达时，她却翻脸了。求爱成了罪恶，工友们当面声讨我。

There was no way for me! But I would not let my fate lying down. I would keep on struggling. At last, my brother-in –law managed to find a temporary job for me at a state-owned Unit of Rice Experiments. I worked as a migrant worker for a period, helping to do rice-planting experiments there. There my culture and knowledge was made use of and I came to fall in love with a girl. But when I carefully expressed my feeling to her, she turned hostile, exceeding my expectations. The result was that my asking for love was regarded as evils. And the following moment, the fellows were scolding me to my face.

命运如此不公！社会如此不公！1976年冬，我选择了和两个伙伴夜里出走。远离家乡，漂泊到了黄河岸边一个非常偏僻的小山村,帮那里的人采石头，打窑洞。

In face of the unfair fate and the dark society, I kept on struggling. In the winter of 1976, I left home secretly at night, with two young fellows. We went far away from our hometown, only to wander to a very remote mountain village by the Yellow River. There we mined stones and dug cave-houses for the villagers.

三九严寒，山地冻得硬如石头，一锹下去，震得手虎口和胳膊疼痛欲裂，也只挖掉一点点土。手上的老茧磨掉了一层又一层。手指上甚至手虎口裂开了许多大口子，血丝往外渗，疼得钻心。夜里躺下，疼痛得血管直跳。早上起床后，全身僵硬，尤其是手掌和手指。

It was the coldest season of the year. The weather was freezing. The land on the mountains was as hard as stones. With each shovel down, my hands and arms were hurt by shaking. The calluses on my hands were worn away one after another. Continuously shaken, the calluses cracked, and blood exudates came out. The pain was as deep as the heart. When lying down at night, the pain seemed more severe, which made the blood vessels beat violently. When getting up in the morning, the whole body was stiff, especially the hands and fingers.

大年初一，我们登上高山顶，向着远处的群山，向着家乡的方向呼喊，热泪如泉涌。

On the Chinese New Year’s Day, we climbed onto a mountain top, shouted towards the faraway mountains and screamed in the direction of our hometown, tears dropping down continuously.

半年多的苦力，只挣了不到40元钱。1977年五一，被迫只身返乡，途中夜宿徐州，遭遇全国大搜查，夜里被带到派出所，交出了那40元钱。回家后，遭遇“割资本主义尾巴”，被大队开大会，令我上台坦白。

Within more than half a year’s heavy work, I earned less than 40 yuan. Before May I in 1977, I had to returned home alone. I was so unfortunate that I encountered the search and examination over the country when I stayed in a small hotel. I was taken to a police station in dream, and was forced to hand out the 40 yuan. After getting home, I was criticized for my “capitalist” behavior and was ordered to review my “bad behavior” on the platform in the Brigade’s yard.

1977年，高考恢复。虽然我仅仅读过不到两年初中，我决心参加这唯一公平的竞争。仅获得报考资格就不顺利，通过努力拿到《准考证》就足以让我激动得难以入眠。首次尝试失败。

In 1977, daybreak at last appeared. The national university entrance examinations were restored. Although I had only learned for two years’ middle school, I made up my mind to take part in this only fair competition. However, it was not easy to enter myself for an examination qualification. Through efforts, I at last got the admission ticket, which made me too excited to fall asleep. It was quite natural that I failed.

1978年，为了梦想，自学英语，准备再次参考。我选择了大家最不愿干的活——为生产队捡粪，因为这是我能挤出时间学习的唯一途径。每天，我推着肮脏的、破旧的小粪车进城捡粪，车把上挂着削价的袖珍收音机，边走边收听英语讲座和新闻，人们投来不解和鄙夷的目光。除了到处捡粪，还推着车子去图书馆看书，去一中旁听。推着捡粪车学英语，成为人们口中的传奇。

Then in 1978, I started teaching myself English, preparing for the second national examinations for my dream. For my dream, I chose the labor of picking feces for the commune, which in fact was the last thing that people would do. I chose to do it because I saw that was the only way that I could have more spare time to spend on learning. Then every day I pushed my dirty and broken cart to Linyi City，picking every kind of feces on the way. I also listened to the English lecture and news while walking, with my pocket radio, which I had bought at a reduced price, hanging from the handle of the cart. And this drew people’s puzzled and contempt eyes. In the city, besides wandering about to search for and pick feces, I also pushed my feces cart to the library to read books and newspapers or to the No. 1 Middle-School of Linyi to sit in on classes. The story of a young man learning English with a feces cart quickly became a legend from mouth to mouth.

十年的艰苦劳作，十年的风风雨雨，已经让我把那点原本残缺不全的知识忘得差不多了。更不用说，我连高中的课本都没摸过。面对的是：知识的缺陷，信息的缺陷，时间的缺少，甚至连可以看书的小桌子、点灯的煤油都没有，更别提什么复习提纲、同步训练了。有的只是改变命运的强烈愿望和不惜一切代价脱离苦海的决心，有的只是被逼出来的毅力和冲破压抑的爆发力。坐着在学习，站着在学习，走着也在学习，吃饭听讲座，干活心里背诵单词，梦里背诵数学公式，看见报纸，觉得有用的就记在纸片上。我入迷了！废寝忘食，满脑子英语单词和句子，满脑子数学公式，就差走路碰到大树上了！头发长了，屁股磨破了，身上少了肉……

After ten years of hard work and ten years of distress, the knowledge, which I had originally learned fragmentarily, had been forgotten a lot. What was more, I had not ever studied in senior high school. I had not even had a chance to touch a textbook for senior students. I had to face so many difficulties—— lack of knowledge, lack of information, lack of enough time, and even lack of an ordinary desk and kerosene which could be used to light my self-made lamp, letting alone the outline of the review or the synchronous training. What I had was the strong desire to change my lot and the determination to escape from suffering with at all costs. What I had was the perseverance coming from being forced and the explosive force which had broken through repression. I was learning while sitting, I was learning while standing and I was also learning while walking. I listened to the English lecture while eating. I recited English words or sentences while working. And I recited English or math formulas while dreaming. Whenever I found anything useful, I wrote it down on the small pieces of paper. I seemed to be enchanted! Food and sleep were often forgotten. My brain was filled with English words and phrases, math formulas, and so on. Fortunately I had not knocked myself on a tree! My hair had grown too long, my buttocks were wounded, and I became very thin.

每一步，都是那么难。到了报考的日子，去报名点报名，却被告知没有资格报名。我推起粪车，满头大汗跑到县招生办公室，争取到了报名资格。

Every step forward was so difficult. When the time came and I went to the registration place to register for the examinations, I was refused to be registered for the reason that I was neither a fresh graduate nor a Laosanjie. I was so stricken that my heart nearly burst. I picked my small cart and rushed to the county’s Admissions Office with all sweat. And at last I managed to enter myself for that year’s national examinations!

1978年夏末，高考揭榜了。我成了这个有几千口子人的大村子第一个靠考试走进高校的人。我终于实现了再次读书的梦想,我终于随着国家命运的转换改变了自己的命运！当然，前面的困难还很多，前面的路并不平坦，但是，我毕竟摆脱了奴隶身份。

The late summer of 1978 saw the results of the examinations. I became the first one in this big village that had entered a college only through examinations. My dream of going to study at last came true and I succeeded in changing my lot along with the change of the country’s situation. Of course, there were still a lot of difficulties in front of me and my future way would not be smooth. But I got rid of the slave’s identity.

我成了“知识分子”，可是，这“知识分子”是带引号的，因为，我只是挣得了一个饭碗，并没有独立思考的能力，只是随着形势走，精神上还是奴隶。

I finally became an “intellectual”, but I was only a so-called“intellectual”，because I had only got a job to earn my living. I had not got the ability of thinking independently, and my mind only followed the political situation. I was still a slave in spirit.

时间进入21世纪，感谢互联网，感谢那些勇于独立思考、敢说真话和致力于启蒙的人，在夕阳西下的时期，我最终学会了独立思考，摆脱了迷信和崇拜，学会了不迷信任何人和任何空洞的说教，而是做一个独立特行、用自己的脑子去探求真相和真理的人。“不为君王唱赞歌，只为苍生说人话”已经成为我的座右铭。余生不多也，我要为平凡世界里的平凡的人说人话。

Then in the 21th century, thanks to the Internet and those who are brave enough to think independently and to tell the truth and who have been devoted to ideological enlightenment,I finally learned to think independently at my old age. Now I have got rid of any individual superstition and personality cult. I have learned not to believe anything blindly and not to believe any preaching away from reality. I’ll be a person in spite. And I will be a person to discover the reality and truth with my own brains. The saying“telling truth only for the common people instead of singing praises for the governors”has become my motto. I have decided to speak for the common people in the ordinary world during the short rest of my life.

2017年2月 修订

March, 2017

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