“文小言”APP评价、评分、优化高考作文

张jianqun

高考真题：申请书

批改、评价

范文一评分与评价：

评分：70分（满分100分）

评价：

1. 结构清晰：范文一按照题目要求，明确写出了写信目的、个人优势以及能做的事，结构清晰，层次分明。

2. 语言基本流畅：整体而言，语言表达基本流畅，但存在部分语法和用词不准确的地方，如“Having heard that a Chinese Painting Exhibition will be heard in this local city”中的“heard”应为“held”，“beneficial call for introduce chinese paintings”应为“beneficial for introducing Chinese paintings”。

3. 个人优势突出：作者提到了自己中英文的掌握情况以及对中国画的了解，这些都是成为志愿者的有力优势。

4. 结尾礼貌得体：结尾部分表达了希望对方考虑自己的申请，礼貌得体。

改进建议：

1. 修正语法错误：检查并修正文中的语法错误，使句子更加准确流畅。

2. 细化能做的事：在提到自己能做的事时，可以更具体一些，比如介绍中国画的具体内容、如何与观众互动等。

范文二评分与评价：

评分：65分（满分100分）

评价：

1. 结构基本清晰：范文二也按照题目要求，写出了写信目的、个人优势以及能做的事，但结构略显紧凑，段落划分不够明显。

2. 语言存在较多问题：文中存在多处语法和用词不准确的地方，如“I can't wait writing to apply”应为“I can't wait to write to apply”，“Most important lying”应为“Most importantly”，“I am a student majority in chinese painting”表达不清，可能意为“I have a deep understanding of Chinese painting as a student”。

3. 个人优势表述不够充分：虽然提到了自己学习英语的时间和对中国画的了解，但表述不够详细，缺乏具体事例或成果来支撑。

4. 结尾礼貌得体：结尾部分也表达了希望对方考虑自己的申请，礼貌得体。

改进建议：

1. 修正语法和用词错误：仔细检查并修正文中的语法和用词错误，确保句子准确流畅。

2. 详细阐述个人优势：在提到个人优势时，可以加入具体的事例或成果来支撑自己的观点，使内容更加有说服力。

3. 明确段落划分：合理划分段落，使文章结构更加清晰易读。

优化版

当然可以，以下是两篇优化后的范文：

范文一优化版：

Dear Sir or Madam,

I'm Li Hua, an outgoing Chinese student currently studying in London. I am writing to express my keen interest in becoming a volunteer for the upcoming Chinese Painting Exhibition that I have heard will be held in this city.

I believe I have several advantages that make me suitable for this position. Firstly, having lived in China for sixteen years and studied English since childhood, I have a proficient command of both English and Chinese. This bilingual ability will enable me to effectively communicate with visitors and introduce Chinese paintings to them. Secondly, I have a deep understanding and appreciation for Chinese painting culture, which will allow me to provide insightful and engaging explanations to foreigners and locals alike. Lastly, I am enthusiastic about promoting cultural exchange and believe that through my introduction and efforts, I can help strengthen the friendship between China and England.

If given the opportunity, I would be more than happy to serve as a guide, introducing Chinese paintings and answering visitors' questions. My enthusiasm, dedication, and knowledge will ensure that I meet and exceed your expectations.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could take my application into consideration. Thank you for your time and attention.

Yours,

Li Hua

范文二优化版：

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Li Hua, a Chinese student currently taking a summer course in London. I was thrilled to learn that you are recruiting volunteers for the upcoming Chinese Painting Exhibition, and I am eager to apply for this position.

I have several qualifications that make me a suitable candidate. Firstly, I have been learning English for six years and have a good command of spoken English, which will enable me to communicate effectively with international visitors. More importantly, I have a strong passion for Chinese painting and have studied it extensively. My familiarity with various styles and techniques will allow me to provide detailed and informative explanations to visitors. Additionally, I have participated in several cultural exchange activities, which have equipped me with relevant experience and skills in volunteering.

If accepted as a volunteer, I am committed to serving visitors as a guide, introducing them to the beauty and depth of Chinese painting, and answering any questions they may have. My enthusiasm, dedication, and love for Chinese culture will ensure that I contribute positively to the exhibition.

I would be extremely grateful if you could consider my application. Thank you for your consideration.

Yours,

Li Hua