《春草》《烟花》华夏微型诗社周周发同题第527期

巴山一松

<p class="ql-block">@所有人</p><p class="ql-block">华夏微型诗社第527期周周发同题创作开始了。</p><p class="ql-block"> 欢迎诗友们参与微型诗写作!请早日构思打磨!</p><p class="ql-block">备注:</p><p class="ql-block">1、投稿、收稿时间:</p><p class="ql-block">1月7日晚上7点——10点。</p><p class="ql-block">2、每人选投一首微型诗。</p><p class="ql-block">3、请单独发帖,不要自行接龙,由巴山一松老师统一收稿。</p><p class="ql-block">4、稿件选编到美篇,并由诗社老师予以点评。</p><p class="ql-block">5、本期题目:</p><p class="ql-block">①《春草》 </p><p class="ql-block">②《烟花》</p><p class="ql-block">6.出题老师:赤道雪域</p><p class="ql-block">7、交流时可交流两首,投稿时只选投一首,收稿只收一首,点评也只点评一首。</p><p class="ql-block">8.优秀作品推荐“微诗坊”。</p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/岐麟散人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">努力拱出地面 以绿示众</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">柔软中不乏力量</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">宣告 冬天已经过去</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> "努力"写出了外在的时令、环境及态度。"绿″展露出春的气息及不可遏止的精神世界。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/森林雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">乾坤间的小萌娃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一身嫩绿憨态</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">风雨里,摇曳着尘世天真</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 拟人清新,洋溢生机。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/陈兴茂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夜色中一睹你的容颜</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">美好短暂 却勾了魂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">抛下一束 心心念念的留恋</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 首行起笔机巧,即是眼前夜空中,更是诗人的内心,"你的容颜",好像是复述,能不能是在"烟花"激发下,诗人内心那个特别、特指的"你"呢?,第二行写短暂美好震撼的感受,末行写落寞与怨艾,进一步印证了首行及提升了主题!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟 花 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">行天/贵州 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">哪怕只在瞬间</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">也极尽绚烂 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">风采 夜空展现</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> "哪怕只在","也",赋予了烟花以生命和思想境界。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/随风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">冬将过迎新气息</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">就等暖风的小燕子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">翠绿泛泛到来</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 有点偏题,弱化了主题。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/喜阳柳保宅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">无数炮仗升天,炸响亮丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">人们翘首欢呼</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">迎接蛇年到来</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 新春快乐。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/ 刀郎公子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">雾霭中的花看着明月微笑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一瞬间,喷射而出</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">红黄蓝白色的光芒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> "雾霭中的花",耐品。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/心开</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">嫩绿卷起细风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">听大地的声音</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">枯荣随缘而生发</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> "听大地的声音",空灵且雄健,气息振奋。末行,是思考与感慨,在风格上似与第二行不相配不统一。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/苇强</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">瞬间夜空,璀璨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">幻灭后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">灰雾遮住了闪烁的星辰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 诗人以简洁笔触勾勒烟花从璀璨到幻灭的画面,人们在欣赏烟花瞬间的华彩与消逝中,自然而然就引发了对繁华易逝的思考。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/丹霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">盖着雪被</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">躺在土地妈妈的怀里</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">小燕子呼唤时 娇羞抬起了头</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗拟人写法,雪被、土地妈妈、娇羞抬头等描绘,将春草萌动之态鲜活展现,充满生机与灵动,画面感十足,洋溢春的萌动气息。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/八乡人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">与泥土相拥不离不弃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">静等着</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">重生</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 诗人用“相拥不离不弃”“静等重生”写出春草的坚韧,以简单言语道尽生命顽强,平凡中见伟大力量。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/吉新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">万人仰望的绚烂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">风一吹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">再也见不到炫耀的资本</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 从万人仰望到风后消逝,对比鲜明,呈现了烟花的虚荣与脆弱呈现,同时也借烟花叹人生无常,繁华似梦,发人深省。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/古道白杨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">挺挺被冰雪压疼的腰板</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">又抖擞起精神踩着柳韵 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">扭起轻盈舞步</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> “挺腰板”“抖擞精神”“扭舞步”这些词语生动描绘春草在经历冰雪洗礼后蓬勃生长之姿,拟人手法老道,展现春草的乐观与积极向上。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/赵正霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">东风揪一揪 就冒出</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">千万根发丝 不用上色</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">地球绿 引出春光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 想象新奇,语言出新,微诗尽现春草旺盛生命力,画面感强,春意盎然图跃然纸上。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雪儿怀春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">美梦被雷鸣惊醒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">诗意受细雨启发复苏</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">嫩绿纷呈给大地添衣纹身</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 全诗语言优美灵动,将春草生长与自然相融,赋予春草梦幻诗意色彩,让人陶醉在诗人的布境之中。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/小乙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一把把绿色剪刀裁去冬的留白</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">裁出清馨碧野</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">裁出油汪汪鸟语伴花香</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 比喻新奇,三个“裁”尽现春的色彩与生命力,层层递进,超强的画面感展现出春草创造的斑斓世界,给人一种美的感受。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/康秀炎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">天空是舞台</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">腾空一跃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">把瞬间的美丽绽放在目光深处</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 对烟花的描摹比较到位,尤其是两个“空”与“目光深处”,远近结合,增大了诗的空间。但感觉有点太顺了,作为诗,陌生化处理一下,或者说能够跳脱一点可能会更好。个见勿怪</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/家乡小河</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">撒落于荒野的音符</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">只等那双神手触碰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">满世界长出歌声与微笑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 作品的几个动词运用比较活,音符的比喻也妙,尾句也颇出彩,不错的一首。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/南湖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">缕缕春风轻抚</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">唤醒沉睡的嫩芽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">破土而出</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 春草的形象出来了,但诗味呢?</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/周其林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">最尊贵的客人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">无论什么时候出场</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">都会受到最热烈的欢迎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 最尊贵的客人,这一句富有寓意。两个“最”相呼应,也属顶配了。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/阳光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">生命的怒放</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">不在于长短</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">只要惊艳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 作品偏理性,惊艳也可以多解,读来颇有反讽意味。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/晗羲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">柔弱矮小,被踩脚下</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">遇春天得重生</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">因文人而知名</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 以春草喻人生,不知“文人”们有没有代入感?</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/东方虹雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">喜与悲 聚或散</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">即使燃烧得粉身碎骨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">也将点亮 华丽璀璨的瞬间</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 烟花不仅招人喜欢,也颇有值得共情的一面。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">缺什么,就仰望夜空</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">虚幻的绚烂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">城里人,早已不再追求</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 这里的“烟花”是“虚幻的绚烂”,于是有了“城里人,早已不再追求”,于是“缺什么,就仰望夜空”。所以微诗出新还得从立意上下功夫。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/蔡厚炳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">季节 打了个哈欠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">大地知趣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">连夜筑成绿色舞台</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗连贯流畅,短小精悍。首句写季节变化出新,尾句"连夜筑成”很速度,春草长势快而不可挡,给力。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/绿柳枫</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">梦想,咻‌咻飞上天</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">噼啪置顶今夜头条</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">万千心愿,‌被瞬间点亮</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗抓住燃放烟花构思,首句先声夺人,二句“置顶今夜头条”嫁接精彩,尾句“心愿”与首句“梦想”呼应。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/陈桂娟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一处处绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">率先装点大地</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">平凡底色 生命最高的定义</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 尾句让前面的铺陈立了起来。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/老妖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">比昙花逊色更短暂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">克守本职倾力冲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">争奇夜空之美点燃人间喜庆</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 拟人化概括描写,写生命短暂的烟花的美好品格。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/绿色</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">纵身一跃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">张开绚丽的翅膀</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">划过梦的夜空</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗有动感,有画面,可深挖。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/书虫</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">从雪水里抽出刃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">上天点滴布施</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">足以压弯,那些鲁莽锐气</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗含蓄,春草有力。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/付光渝</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">你在人间活力四射</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">去夜空尽情喧染</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">绽放一个缤纷的世界 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗太概括,几句话几乎在同一个层面,没拓展开。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/往往醉后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">听了谁的呼唤 埋藏在 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">土里嫩芽 合着鸟鸣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">悄悄探出 那抹柔柔的绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗把春草的生长归结于“听了谁的呼唤”,那是谁的呼唤呢?首句一问,留白让人思考。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/空谷幽兰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">枯黄为裙袂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">舞蹈在东风里</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">敢为青帝一信使</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 微诗没写“春草”蓬勃时,欣欣向荣之景象。写“春草”的枯黄,借此,得出末句,打开读者想象的思路。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/吴琳玲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">凑不够满天星辰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">燃火树银光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">祈岁岁平安</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 开篇想象新而美!后两句落俗了。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/白露</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">点点新绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">告诉大地要苏醒了</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">刹那间大地充满生机</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 写得过实。写“三行”,切入的角度很关键。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/墨客吟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">从不与树争高</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">低调生活</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">萌发绿意向前冲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 对比中出诗意。 末句好!</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/道是无晴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">既然,生命只有一次绽放</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">哪就无须惧怕短暂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">让它美,美到让人尖叫</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 瞬间的美,美了天空,美了人间,美了人们的视野。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 注:“哪”是“那”哇?</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/王建刚</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">空中炸裂,光亮短暂而永恒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">我的目光紧随那一抹绚烂
</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">却忘记,它燃尽的声音</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 看到的绚丽,是因“烟花”的燃烧,奉献出了自己的美。人往往欣赏眼前的美,而忽略了为美,付出青春,血泪和为美而牺牲了的人与“物”。这也是这首微诗所阐述的主旨。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">烟花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/巴山一松</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一根细捻子就引爆整盘快乐</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">绚烂腾空</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">还与孩童的惊呼,俏皮和声</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 写了一个特定的场景。因引入了人物——大人,孩童。孩童的加上,就让这一情景,温馨,可爱,和谐,惬意,其乐融融了许多。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 有景,有人物,有欢乐,融合自然,生动、盎然。</span></p>