<p class="ql-block">2024.11.27</p> <p class="ql-block">指导老师无为斋主人</p> 诗情画意 <p class="ql-block"><b style="color:rgb(237, 35, 8); font-size:22px;">1</b></p><p class="ql-block"><b style="color:rgb(237, 35, 8); font-size:22px;">出句与对句：</b></p><p class="ql-block"><b style="color:rgb(237, 35, 8); font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</b></p><p class="ql-block"><b style="color:rgb(237, 35, 8); font-size:22px;">2</b></p><p class="ql-block"><b style="color:rgb(237, 35, 8); font-size:22px;">自撰诗联</b></p><p class="ql-block"><b style="color:rgb(1, 1, 1); font-size:22px;">出题与点评老师刘红</b></p> 🍓🍐 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">王占安</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">满月初升红袖长。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：意境优美，诗情满满。平仄合律，对仗工整。</span></p> 🍊🍓 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">程树兰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">薄雾初升玉枕寒。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：程老师对句合情合景，贴合上句意境，真是妙哉！且平仄合律，对仗工整，佳对。</span></p> 💥 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">霍成奎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">薄雾轻扬晓烛残。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：形对意联，平仄合律，对仗工整，“黄花瘦”“晓烛残”意境相联，画面感很强。</span></p> 🍎 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">许晋武</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">薄雾全遮白昼愁。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，意境不太美。</span></p> 🦋 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵显勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">玉幛洞开竹叶青。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：“洞”与“竹”平仄失替。</span></p> 🌈 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">王晓娟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">冷墨轻飘落叶残。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，对仗工整，如以颜色词相对更妙。</span></p> 🍊 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">梁小彬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">霜色漫铺绿意稀。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">残烛独摇红袖愁。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1.上下联意境相随，一副深秋的伤感之情跃然纸上。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">颜色词相对，对仗工整。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.意境相联，平仄合律。</span></p> 🦋 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">冀雅玲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句：香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">对句：绣枕斜欹锦梦空。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，对仗工整，意境相联，一副香闺愁韵盈然而生。佳对。</span></p> 🌹 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">温丕彪</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">清稿初成玉笔残。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：意境优美，平仄合律，对仗工整。</span></p> 🍓 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闫秀萍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">霜色一侵翠竹寒。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">斑竹轻摇玉体寒。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1.“一”属古仄，与“翠”失替。况“一侵”属生造词，应避免。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.平仄合律，对仗工整，“玉体寒”不太美。</span></p> 💥 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">梁金翠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">锦帐轻遮粉面羞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：形对意联，一副深闺秀色盎然生香，激活诗意，佳对。</span></p> 🌟 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">崔晓清</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句：香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">对句：小雪微飘绿叶枯。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，对仗工整，尤其“绿”对“黄”，颜色词相对，贴合出句。“小雪”有点突兀，换作“冷雨”可好？“微飘”一词不太美。</span></p> 🌺 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵显勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">玉幛洞开竹叶青。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，对仗工整。</span></p> ☀ <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘宽应</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">明月滿铺赤果丰。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">银网全张虾鲤肥。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1.平仄合律，对仗工整，“赤果丰“对“黄花瘦”符合秋韵，寓意很美。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.出句“黄花”为偏正词组，对句“虾鲤”为并列词组，对仗不工。</span></p> 🌹 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闫秀萍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">霜色一侵翠竹寒。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">斑竹轻摇玉体寒。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1.平仄合律，“一侵”属生造词，应避免。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.平仄合律，对仗工整，“玉体寒”不太美。</span></p> 🌺 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">廉永明</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">暮雪微飘红影疏。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，对仗工整。“暮雪”用在此处有点突兀，建议利用深秋之静展开画面。</span></p> 🌟 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">郭彩萍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">冷雨初来红袖凉。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，对仗工整，“红袖凉”对仗“黄花瘦”形对意联，贴合出句意境，佳对。</span></p> 🍊 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘建和</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">皓月一窗倩影孤。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：诗意凄美，贴合出句意境。不足之处为：出句“卷”属动词，对句“窗”属名词，对仗不工。</span></p> 💥 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">王海良作业</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1.出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句：香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">对句：幽绪千重玉笛悲。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句：香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">对句：愁绪满怀白发多。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.自撰诗联</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">联题冬韵</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花残叶败千山瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪盖冰封万木肥。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">联题中国法兰盘之乡山西省定襄县</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">岁盈六秩，细刻精雕，上品法兰雄世界；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">轮佑一方，民殷村富，龙头产业泽烝黎。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1.对句平仄合律。且意境相联，画面感很强，悲伤之意尽显诗中。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.自撰联形对意联，冬之雪韵，虽败犹丰，生机盎然，韵味十足。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">题联定襄县更是精妙绝伦，佳对！</span></p> 🍓 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闫秀萍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">斑竹轻摇白露垂。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，对仗工整。意境相联，前后呼应。</span></p> 🦋 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句：香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">对句：圆月轻移浊酒空。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 一一郭保旺</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄花枯落，伊人渐瘦，圆月轻移，所思所念无处安放，对酒销愁愁更愁！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“浊酒空”一个空字点明诗意，唯美且情深，佳对！</span></p> 🍐 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵文英</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花廋，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">衰柳枯荷野色寒。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">意境相联，平仄合律，“枯荷”形容词+名词，“半卷”副词+动词，名词对动词，词性不对仗。</span></p> 🍎 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘宽应</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">银网全张墨鲤肥。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：平仄合律，但对联讲究形意相联，此对句与出句描绘的意境不相符。</span></p> 🌈 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阴彩桃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">晓月轻衔白露寒。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">形对意联，用月色白露托起出句，且拟人化的运用唯美形象，意境优美，氛围感相当优雅。佳对！</span></p> 💢 <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘红作业</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1.出句对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">香帘半卷黄花瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">暮雪初晴白雁归。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.自撰联</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">咏红梅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里寒山飞素雪；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一窗夜月探红梅。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评：对句形对意联，出句用黄花来比喻人的憔悴，以瘦暗示香阁伊人对心上人的相思之苦和离别的哀愁。对句则拓展开来，暗示白雁捎来了心上人的祝福和思念，给人以无尽遐想，允为佳构。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">自撰联对仗工整，意境丰盈。下比＂探＂字炼字精到，联眼别致且富有诗意。唯一小暇疵下比“一窗＂对上比＂千里＂略逊。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">修改：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2.自撰联</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">咏红梅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里寒山飞素雪；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万家晓烛映红梅。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">点评老师</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">王海良</span></p>