【自从你走了】- 写给天堂里的女儿27 岁生日的一封信

岁月的脚印

秋迪，我最亲爱的女儿， 今天是你的 27 岁生日。祝你天堂里生日快乐。 在过去的 26 年里，你的父母、你的姐姐和你的朋友们都期待着在你特别的日子里给你送去爱与祝福。年复一年，在你的一个个生日里珍藏了许多美好的回忆。2018 年 5 月 23 日你 21 岁生日时，一场多么盛大的派对，去年你 26 岁生日时，又是一场简单而温馨的家庭庆生聚会。 然而，2023 年11月6日凌晨，当我们远在上海时，传来一个晴天霹雳的消息。在与抑郁症长期斗争后，你选择结束自己的生命。突然间，我的世界崩塌了。 自从你走了，我们努力去理解，不断寻找答案，同时继续消化失去你的痛苦，寻找前行之路。然而，所有的一切都极其艰难。正如当你的丽艳阿姨关切我们平安时，我含泪的回复：“我的心已碎成了千万片，真的不知道如何将它们重新拾起来，恢复完整。” 自从你走了，悲痛使我们的人生旅程变得如此孤独和孤立。通过对亲人自杀的家庭提供支持与帮助的机构，你妈妈和我与其他丧亲父母取得了联络。我们这些以最痛苦的方式失去美丽孩子的父母，怀着同样的感受和情感，相互扶助，彼此共情与陪伴。 自从你走了，除了安排追悼会外，我们还努力促进公众对心理健康的认识，并在生命热线（Lifelife Australia）上设立了悼念网页。截至今天，生命热线已收到近 50,000 澳元的捐助 - 这是他们从一个悼念网页收到的最高的捐款。这给了生命热线更多的资源去提供 24 小时危机帮助和自杀预防，使不再有人会像你一样面对最黑暗的时刻。 自从你走了，你妈妈慢慢地但逐渐地重返工作岗位，你爸爸就读于第三年龄大学 (U3A)，开始学习西班牙语和其他治疗和冥想课程。你姐姐也决定在 8 月回到澳大利亚，这样家人可以再次团聚互相支持。 自从你走了，你妈妈和我犹犹豫豫但最终还是继续之前预订的新西兰之旅，并与朋友们一起在米尔福德步道上进行了为期 4 天的徒步。雨中，四周山峦上千万条瀑布飞流直下,恰似我们心里流淌的思念的泪。在皇后镇时，我在你去年 7 月滑雪时住的公寓楼前的大街上徘徊，希望在那里见到你。在 Skyline 观景台，我们想起你和全家一起来过这里。相同的皇后镇和瓦卡蒂普湖的景色顿时变成一个触发因子，无声的泪水再次夺眶而出。 自从你走了，整形和重建外科主任、副主任以及前主任告诉我们，所有团队成员对你都高度评价与认可。他们还提议设立一个以你名义的奖学金，支持那些年轻医生参加科学会议，帮助他们的职业发展。还有Leong 教授也写信告诉我们，你作为合著者之一的学术文章已被接受发表在著名的同行评议的期刊上，他特别感谢你的重大贡献、你的辛勤工作和奉献精神。 自从你走了，你的阿德莱德朋友 Sharissa、Amayar、Issy 和 Nick 两次前往你辞世的地点圣雷莫（San Remo)，缅怀并庆祝你与他们共同分享的的美丽人生。几天前是 Sharissa 的生日，他们又一路开车去了圣雷莫，在那里与你一起度过。今天，你最好的莫那什朋友 Cherry 和 Nicolle 和我们一同去了圣雷莫。我们选择了一个地方放一个小纪念牌，并沿着乔治巴斯海岸步道来感受你。真正的朋友永远不会分离，也许会在不同的时空里，但在心里却永远不离不弃。 我最亲爱的女儿，在今天这样的日子里，我们很容易陷入残酷的悲痛循环之中，然而，我们在努力控制悲伤，因为缅怀、尊重与庆祝你的一生更为重要。 记忆的叶子轻轻地飘落我们轻轻地拾起并珍惜看不到，听不见你却总在身边如此思念，如此爱恋，如此亲密无间 无尽的爱爸爸2024年5月23日~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 孩子，望着你渐行渐远的背影，爸爸心碎了 【Since you’ve been gone】- A letter to my daughter on her 27th birthday in Heaven Trudy, my dearest daughter, Today is your 27th birthday. Happy heavenly birthday. At this time over the past 26 years, your parents, your sister, and your friends were looking forward to sending you lots of love on your special day. Years after years we have treasured so many fond memories on your birthday celebrations. What a big party was when you turned 21 on the 23rd of May 2018, and what a simple but warm family celebration we had on your 26th birthday last year. However, in the early morning of November 6, 2023, the news was broken to us when we were far away from you in Shanghai. After a long fight with depression, you chose to end your own life. All of a sudden my world collapsed around me. Since you’ve been gone, we have struggled to understand and kept searching for answers, while continuing to process the raw anguish of the loss, and trying to navigate this new reality without your presence in our life. This rocky road has proven so hard because “my heart was shattered into a million pieces and I really don’t know how to pick them up to become whole again” as I wrote to your Aunty Liyan when she checked in with us. Since you’ve been gone, our grief and journey in this life became so lonely and isolated. Your mum and I have connected with other bereaved parents through Support After Suicide Program. We, the parents who lost our beautiful children in the most traumatic way, share the same feelings and emotions and supportively reach out for compassion and companionship. Since you’ve been gone, apart from arranging memorial services, we also made big effort to honour your life by promoting awareness of mental health and setting up a memorial tribute on Lifelife Australia. As of today, Lifeline has received nearly $50000 dollar donations - the highest amount they received from one tribute page. This gives Lifeline more resources to provide their 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention so no one else has to face their darkest moment like you experienced. Since you’ve been gone, slowly but gradually your mum returned to work and your dad enrolled in the University of the Third Age (U3A) and started learning Spanish and other healing and meditation courses. Your sister has also made a decision to come back to Australia in August so the family can be together again to support each other. Since you’ve been gone, your mum and I hesitantly proceeded with the previously booked travel to New Zealand and joined our friends for the 4-day walk on the Milford Track. In the rain, thousands of waterfalls on the surrounding mountains are rushing down, just like the tears of longing flowing in my hearts. When in Queenstown, I wondered along the street near the apartment block you stayed for skiing last July and wished you were there. At the Skyline viewing platform, we recalled you were there together with the family previously so the same view over the Queenstown and Lake Wakatipu instantly became a trigger and then the silent tears rolled down our faces once again. Since you’ve been gone, the Director, the Deputy Head, and the former Director of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery of Monash Hospital have shared with us that you were highly regarded by all the team members and also proposed to establish a scholarship in your name to support those young doctors to attend scientific conferences for their career development. A/Professor Leong also inform us a paper you were one of the co-authors was accepted for publication in a reputable peer reviewed journal and he particularly would like to acknowledge your significant contribution, your hardwork and dedication. Since you’ve been gone, your Adelaide friends Sharissa, Amayar, Issy, and Nick went to San Remo - the place of your passing twice to remember you and celebrate the beautiful life you shared with them. A few days ago, it’s Sharissa’s birthday, they drove all the way to San Remo again and spent their time together with you there. Today your best friend Cherry and Nicolle from Monash came with us to San Remo together. We selected a spot for a small memorial and walked along the George Bass Coastal Walk to feel you. True friends are never apart, maybe in different spaces but never in heart. My dearest daughter, for a day like this we can easily be stuck in a cruel loop of grief, however, we are instead trying to manage the grief as it is far more important to remember, celebrate, and honour your beautiful life. Softly the leaves of memory fallGently we gather and treasure them allUnseen, unheardYou are always nearSo missed, so loved, so very dear With endless loveDad23 May 2024 今天是你27岁生日