无心剑英译崔护 《题都护南庄》

无心剑

题都城南庄

Inion in a Manor South of the Capital

崔护

By Cui Hu

去年今日此门中，

人面桃花相映红。

人面不知何处去，

桃花依旧笑春风。

At the door right on the same day last year,

Your face outshone a peach flower so near.

I don't know where your face can be found,

In spring breeze the flower still smiles here.

译于2020年4月10日

题都城南庄

An Inion in a Village South of the Capital

崔护

By Cui Hu

去年今日此门中，

人面桃花相映红。

人面不知何处去，

桃花依旧笑春风。

Version 1：

You stood within this door on this day last year;

Peach flowers shone on your pink face with cheer.

Now you have gone away, nowhere for me to find,

But the peach flowers still smile in spring wind.

Version 2：

On this day last year you stood within this door;

Peach flowers and pink face shone on each other.

Now you have gone away, I can see you no more,

But in spring breeze the peach flowers still glitter.

译于2008年6月13日。

Version 1.1

You stood within this door on this day last year;

Peach flowers shone on your pink face with cheer.

Today your pink face is nowhere for me to find,

But the peach flowers still smile in spring wind.

Version 2.1

On this day last year you stood within this door;

Peach flowers and pink face shone on each other.

Today your pink face cannot be seen any more,

But in spring breeze the peach flowers still glitter.

改于2008年6月20日。

Version 1.2

Just within this door and on this day last year;

Peach flowers shone on a pink face with cheer.

Today the pink face is nowhere for me to find,

But the peach flowers still smile in spring wind.

Version 2.2

Just on this day last year and within this door;

Peach flowers and pink face shone on each other.

Today the pink face cannot be found any more,

But in spring breeze the peach flowers still glitter.

改于2008年6月22日

Ruby

很喜欢看翻译过来的英文~棒！

2008-6-13 18:21

覃江华

两首诗的韵都压得很好，唯一可以改进的就是每首都第三行，可否使其和其它诗行拥有相等的meter？

2008-6-19 19:30

Howard2005

覃老师，谢谢您的意见。我把两首的第三句都修改了一下，请指教。

2008-6-20 00:24

覃江华

much better

2008-6-21 14:10

铁冰

译文V2.1更佳，because：

（1）V1.1第三四行只押目韵，未能押声韵，音美不足；

（2）V1.1没能译出“相映红”。

我觉得V2.1的第一、二行可作一些修改：

On this day last year you stood within this door;

Pink face and pink peach blossoms shone on each other.

(原译文中的shine应为过去式shone)

2008-6-22 04:26

Howard2005

真高兴看到铁兄点评拙译。谢谢铁兄指出我第二行shine时态之误。“find”和“wind”形同声异，V1.1的缺点正如确如铁兄所言，音美不足。按照铁兄的提示，为了含蓄起见，我去掉了you和your两词，请铁兄过目再提意见。

2008-6-22 07:39

铁冰

华兄夏至快乐！

2008-6-22 09:35

题都城南庄

Inion in a Manor South of the Capital

崔护

By Cui Hu

去年今日此门中，

人面桃花相映红。

人面不知何处去，

桃花依旧笑春风。

You leaned behind this door on this day last year,

As peach flowers shone on your pink face so dear.

O your pink face is gone without any trace today,

But in spring wind the flowers' smiles still display.

译于2010年11月12日