金色的童年—— 三岁半就进入寄宿制的空军直属幼儿园；被蓝天艺术团创始人李美红老师视为心肝宝贝，从小就成为蓝天艺术团的小小舞蹈尖子。该照片是《新观察》杂志社ps的封面图片，蹲着的女孩就是我。
Golden childhood —— At three-and-half years old, I was sent to a boarding pre-school exclusively for China Air Force personnel. My teacher, Blue Sky Arts Performing Troops founder, Li Meihong, took me as her favorite little dancer. This photo is a collaged piece as the New Observations Magazine’s cover image; the squatting girl is me. <p class="ql-block">父亲——上海-延安-空军-四野-炮兵-空军</p><p class="ql-block">Father —— Yan An - Air force - Artillery Troop - Air force</p> 幸福的童年 Happy childhood <p class="ql-block" style="text-align: center;"><b>小女孩还是一副淘气的样子</b></p> <p class="ql-block" style="text-align: center;"><b>大家公认我是爸爸的掌上明珠</b></p> <p class="ql-block">文革时期，父亲被打成反革命、叛徒、走资本主义道路当权派；父母被迫迁徙到沙漠中的五七干校。父亲面对所有指控，坚决拒绝承认“错误”，并且深知一去干校就要挨斗挨批，深怕我神经受刺激，下狠心不要我跟随他们，而让我自己与大多知识青年一起下乡，探索自己的路，不管这条路多么艰难坎坷前途未卜，也比在他眼皮底下心灵受煎熬强些，就这样我才15岁时，就一个人先把家人送到北京车站，上了去大西北的火车。而我一个月以后一个人和300多名知识青年一起登上开往大西南的列车，车马劳顿了十天之后，来到云南西双版纳傣族自治州水利建设兵团。</p><p class="ql-block">During the cultural revolution, my father was labeled as a counter-revolutionary, traitor and capitalist follower. My parents, together with my younger brother and sister were forced to move to the cadre school in the desert in the Noth-West China. In spite of facing all the allegations, my father firmly refused to admit his alleged “mistakes.” He knew that struggle sessions would be held against him where he would be severely criticized, personally insulted and physically tortured brutally. With fear of hurting me mentally, he was strongly against me following them, and let me go with other “educated youth” to the assigned countryside, exploring my own way of life rather than suffering from strong mental attack, even though he knew this road would be filled with hardship, toughness and uncertainty. Thus, I alone, at only15 years old, bid farewell to my family at the Beijing Railway Station. A month later, I boarded the train bound for the Southwest together with other young school students. After ten days of train, buses and trucks rides, we came to the Water Conservancy Construction Corps in Xishuangbanna Dai Autonomous Prefecture in Yunnan Province.</p> <p class="ql-block">刚到达目的地时，只见荒山野岭，没有房子住，我们就被分散到当地傣族老乡家里暂时借住，语言不通、习俗不懂、水土不服、食物不惯……</p><p class="ql-block">Upon arrival at our destination in Yunnan Province, we found no houses to live in, only barren fields and mountain ridges in front of us. We were separated and spread out among local Dai villager’s homes, for the time being. Completely different language, surroundings, local customs, food habits, and not acclimatized to the new place were all barriers......</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p> 我们必须自己动手开始盖房子、种菜、挑水、建营地…… 一连劳动了十天才休息！唯一令人高兴的事情就是这第一个休息日，即当地老乡逢十赶集日（没有周末），赶紧借了傣族东家小龙英（傣语“女孩”）的筒裙，徒步跑了十八公里来到勐遮公社照相馆照相，想和第一封家信一起给爸爸妈妈寄去。
We immediately started building dwellings, planting food and diverting water for our camps ...... We didn’t have Saturday and Sunday breaks; we only had one day break every ten days! On the first break day we had one pleasant thing. We hurriedly borrowed a small Dai girl’s dress, and ran 18 miles on foot to Mengzhe Commune Photo Studio to take photos, with intention to send my first letter to my mom and dad. 这十天的日子非常清苦，但笑容必须是甜蜜的，因为一心想着是在对爸爸妈妈微笑，也想让他们看到我在这里过得很好，很开心！
Although these first ten days were full of hardship and homesickness, I wanted my mom and dad to see me here very well and very happy! Therefore, the smile for the photo had to be sweet. So, I took the photo thinking I was smiling at mom and dad. 云南到处是青山碧水树木郁郁葱葱，我们的青春也正是郁郁葱葱。
Yunnan province is full of lush green hills, clear water and trees, our youth was lush. 我们的房屋就是这样盖起来的。我也曾经爬到房脊上盖屋顶，就是把草排（棕榈树叶编排扎好的屋顶建材）一张一张地摞起来，用竹篾子把他们固定在房梁上面架起的椽子上。这活要有技术还又挺危险，搞不好会摔下来受伤，可我凭着自己身段灵巧敏捷，干着一般男生才干的活。现在说起来，我还常常自称，这样的房子我从头到尾都知道是怎么盖的。
Our cottages were built in this way with raw materials obtained locally. I used to climb to the ridge cap of the roof to line up the grass (Palm leaf arrangement tied as roofing materials) fixing them with bamboo strips to the rafters. It was a technical and risky job usually for boys. It was easy to fall down and get hurt, and I was the only girl doing it. Now, I often claim that I know how to build such a house from beginning to end. 这是我们在盖营房，是我们亲手一边学一边建造起来的茅草房，也是我们正式的宿舍；第一晚还没盖好就入住了，还没装门，只有泥巴糊的门框，女生不敢睡觉，半夜去把连长找来，他终于想办法给我们弄了一大片竹排临时堵在门口，我们从里面顶几把锄头，才战战兢兢地入睡了。我们一个班住一栋房，每人一张床，边上放着唯一属于自己的财产——从家乡带来的大箱子，然后就是用毛竹劈成竹巴做的桌子，这就是我们的全部家当了。
This is our barracks under construction. We were builing it while learning. The thatched rooms were our official home / dormitory; the first night didn't see the door installed yet with only mud pasted hole on the wall, and the girls did not dare to sleep in; so at midnight Commander was called up and he finally found a large raft to temporarily block the hole as a door, we supported it from inside with several hoes, and trembling back to bed to sleep. We lived together with a dozen girls in each cottage. Each girl had a bed, a small table made of bamboo split and bamboo bar, plus our own trunk case as our own private property. This was the total of all our possessions. 正如红旗上写的，要准备打仗！我们是按军队编制、由现役军人牵头、地方干部辅助管理的模式。每个月都要军训，半夜吹哨叫大家迅速打起背包出去走一圈，号称“拉练”，伸手不见五指的山里面常常因为看不见路掉到山沟里摔一身泥。
The slogan on our flag was “Prepare for War” and we were organized as in an army system. Active duty military personnel were appointed as our leaders and local cadres as management assistants. Military training was enforced on a monthly basis. Whistling broke the quietness at midnight as we all packed briefly and quickly. We were lead to walk around in the mountains, known as the "Military Exercise." In the scary pitch darkness, we often heard screams from people who fell into the ravine or mud. 背景中的凤尾竹、木瓜树、流沙河、茅草房…… 多么浪漫的场景！可是，在那时我们的眼中，毛竹就是被砍了用来做床、门、桌椅、小板凳的；木瓜树让我们看着眼馋，但从未吃过，因为那都是老乡们把青木瓜摘下来做菜吃的，从来不给我们留下长熟的木瓜吃；流沙河一天到晚湍急流淌，我们每天砍柴都要把裤腿卷得老高从冰冷刺骨的水中穿过，还要摸着石头过河把大大小小的砍下来的木柴扛回来；茅草房是四面透风外面下大雨里面下小雨。
What a romantic scene - the fern-leaf hedge bamboo, the thatches, papaya trees and the Sand River in the background! But, at that time, in our eyes, bamboo was cut to be used for making beds, doors, tables and chairs, including small benches. Papaya trees grew only green papaya which was picked by the farmers to cook as vegetable, leaving us no ripe fruit to eat. The rapid Sand River water rushed through our camp, so we had to curl up our pants legs to carry fire wood cut from mountain woods for our daily use. The thatched room had four-sided ventilation, and it drizzled inside when it rained outside. 剖开的毛竹大显身手，把河水引到营地，那就是我们的自来水管了。天天到这里来刷牙洗脸、打水擦身，勇敢点就直接在这冲凉了。
Bamboo cut open into halves was used to bring water from the stream to the camp, serving as our water pipe. People came here every day to get water for washing or just for a quick rinse-up. 当时我们分配的粮食不够吃，因为正是长身体的时候，又没有油水，每人按定量的米饭下肚仍然叫饿，但是管理当局规定我们蔬菜肉食只能是自给自足；所以我们必须自己养猪种地搞副业，一切从零做起。图中是菜班同学用刀耕火种的传统方法开垦一块供全连吃菜的菜地，他们能种出什么来，我们就吃什么，能整多少我们就吃多少，整不出来或者雨季什么都长不出来，我们就喝玻璃汤，即盐巴汤，挨饿是常事儿。记得我有一次吃的最好的东西就是黄瓜沾白糖；那里应该是菠萝甘蔗芭蕉的盛产地，但是因为没有钱什么都买不起。
As our body was growing into adulthood, the allocated food was not enough for us, due to the lack of oil and vegetables. We had very simple meals, often still being hungry after finishing the meal. The management authority provided us no meat at all which could only be self-supplied. So we had to raise pigs and farm for vegetables, doing everything from scratch. The picture shows someone cultivating with the traditional method of slash-and-burn for a vegetable garden. What we ate was whatever we grew. And in the rainy season (almost for half a year), nothing would grow which lead us drink “glass soup” – soup with only salt. Hunger was common then. I remember the luxurous thing I had as desert was cucumber dipped into sugar. There was pineapple, banana and sugarcane produced there and available for purchase but, we couldn't afford to buy anything with our little salary. 我们的任务是在大山深处建造一个水库，用来蓄水灌溉防旱防涝造福于边疆各族人民的。伟大的使命始于足下，要从修路开始，等修好延伸至大山深处的路，我们就又要到那里重新建造营地，就地取材盖房、开荒种菜种粮、引水挖井盖厕所等等一系列的重建。
Our task was to build a reservoir in the remote mountainous area, a water storage project for times of drought for the benefit of local people of all ethnic groups in border areas. This great mission began with building a road extending to the site of dam to be built deep in the mountains. There, we would rebuild our camp. 炸山采石修路筑坝，这就是我们这些十几岁的孩子们干的活。当时自以为聪明地发明了炸“神仙”洞，想尽量用较少的炸药炸出更多的土石方来，结果自作主张使用了比规定用量更多的炸药，把一座小山坡几乎炸空了，上面的土石毫不留情地塌下来砸伤了好几个战友，有的至今仍然残废着。
It was the teenage children’s job (us) to get mountain quarry for building the dam. We developed a smart “invention” of making "Immortal holes" by digging into the side of the mountain creating an overhang that was collapsed. Once the collapsed hangover buried quite a few labors. Most of them were injured and some are still disabled. 我们不停挥动锄头铁锹的手都长满了水泡，红肿的肩膀挑着一担一担的土石、推着二轮小推车上坡下坡，脚底板磨破了也坚持干。那时候我们都追求上进，嘴上总是喊着毛主席语录“一不怕苦二不怕死”“下定决心，不怕牺牲，排除万难，去争取胜利”，我们顽强拼搏，拼体力拼耐力，劳动强度大大超过了我们这些十几岁城市学生的体能。
We kept swinging hoes, shovels day by day, our hands covered with blisters, our shoulders red and swollen from carrying loads of earth, stone and dirt. Our feet were blistered and bleeding, from pushing two-wheel carts uphill and downhill day after day. However, we were motivated by Chairman Mao’s instructions, chanting "fear neither hardship nor death" and "be resolute, fear no sacrifice and surmount every difficulty to win victory." We were striving tenaciously with strength and intensity. However, it was more than us teenage students could endure physically. 大坝轮廓初步形成，终于看到了我们几年汗水泪水血水凝成的结晶。
The initial formation of the dam could be seen now, we felt it was a crystallization of our blood, sweat and tears of years. 我们在流沙河上造了桥，省了每次卷裤腿趟水过河。过桥时眼睛要牢牢盯住脚下，否则一不小心踩空了就…… 尽管如此，收工是一天中最高兴的时辰。
We built a bridge on the Sand River, which, saved us wading in the cold water with pants legs rolled up. When crossing the river, we had to stare at the bridge’s narrow wood slats to avoid accidentally stepping into emptiness. Nevertheless, it was the happy hour when we finished our labor work for the day. 我后来调到团部小卖部，照片是小卖部内部，可以看到我们的货架柜台都是竹子、竹巴和竹篾造的，房梁和柱子也都清晰可见。
I was transferred to the regimental store. The photo is inside our small shop, you can see the shelves and counters were made of bamboo splits, bamboo bars and bamboo strips. Tree beams and columns are clearly visible too. <p>我们经常背着装满货物的背篓送货上工地，为施工知青和老乡提供方便；否则一到下工时分，大家会把小卖部挤得水泄不通。</p><p>We often carried a back-basket filled with goods for delivery to our working fellows on a construction jobsite. If we waited until they finished their work at the end of a day, the store would be jammed.</p> 公休日知青们的简单娱乐生活，就是随便在营房外面找块地方打扑克。
At the break time every 10 days, the popular way to entertain ourselves was to find any place like this for playing cards.
与大坝配套的泄水涵洞，后来被命名为“知青涵洞”。
The facility supporting the dam - sluice culvert, which later was named " Educated Youth Culverts ". 去大坝工地的路上回首眺望团部营房。
Looking back on the road to the dam site, overlooking the regimental barracks. 十天休息一次，知青们自己互相理发。
The break time of every 10 days was also our personal hygiene day which included haircuts for each other at the site. 找了一个小土堆，企图高瞻。
Found a small mound, attempting to look high up (Gao Zhan) 这是勐海县里最大的桥，企图远瞩。
The biggest bridge in Menghai County, attempting to see far (Yuan Zhu) 身在西双版纳密林中，企图放眼看世界。
In the dense forests of Xishuangbanna, attempting to think of around the world. 大坝为背景，企图展望未来——修完水库我们怎么办？出路是什么？敢问路在何方？
With the Dam in the background, in an attempt to look to the future —— Where is the road
in front of us? 苦中作乐 1 —— 大坝里面刚刚蓄水，我们马上就偷偷跑去游泳；结果里面的灌木树丛等都没有被清理，动辄被刮，而且还有水蛇出入。
Enjoy Adversity 1 —— Dam impoundment, we immediately snuck in and swam there, inside the bushes and trees were not trimmed or cleaned and there were also water snakes. 苦中作乐 2 —— 跟宣传队借来各种乐器，只为照相而已，没有一个会拉/吹出点调的，那时我们叫“穷欢乐”。
Enjoy Adversity 2 —— With a variety of musical instruments borrowed from the unit performing troops, we just posted for a photo, no one really knew how to play. We called that "Self-Amusement". 直至二十世纪末，兵团的战友们才有机会回到云南，给这位因言获罪的小青年平反昭雪！四十多年过去了，如果他今天还活着，他有可能成为一位才华横溢的作家。
Not until the late 20th century, more than 40 years later, had the Corps co-workers had a chance to go back to Yunnan to straighten out the statements for the convicted young poet. If he were alive today, he might become a brilliant writer. 当年偷偷掩埋知青尸体的三个爱伲族老乡。
The three local AiNi people who burried the young city boy silently then. 由当年掩埋知青的老乡的指引，他们披荆斩棘，在大山里寻找知青遗骨。
Guided by those who burried him，his brother came to the mountains to look for his grave. 在知青战友的帮助下迎来了这份迟到的平反，也算是让弟弟的在天之灵得到欣慰了。哥哥带来了墓碑和鲜花，给弟弟筑下永久的休憩之所。
With the help of other co-workers, the elder brother finally located where his teenage brother had been lying. He brought flowers and a tomb stone. <p>前排左数第一个是个北京来的67届高中生，由于年龄稍大又戴着一副深度近视眼镜，我们大家叫他“大学生”。他在三营营部做文书，跟大家总是和和气气、有点学究气、还一副老大哥的样子。在下乡三年后，才被批准了第一次探亲假，他比我们都大几岁，家里急着给他找对象，据说（谁也无法证实了）他几次相亲都因为身为知青而没有成功，只好悻悻而返。但是他再也没有回到营部，就在离我们团营地20几公里外的山路上，他自杀身亡，尸体被找到的时候，已经是被狗咬得体无完肤了，唯独狗不理的那一副眼镜，是人人都能辨认出来的</p><p>First from the left in the front row was a Beijing 1967 High School “graduate.” Because he was older than us and wore a pair of thick glasses, we called him "College Student." He was the secretary of our Third Battalion and was always very nice to everybody. He was somewhat dorkish with a look of big brother. In 1972, after three years in Yunnan, he was approved for a family visit for the first time, Because of his age, his family hurried to find him a date. It was said (no one could confirm any more) that his blind dates all deserted him because of his status being an “educated youth” residing in the countryside, He had to come back. However, he never returned to our battalion headquarters. Instead, on the mountain road 20 miles away from our camp, he committed suicide. When the body was found, it was torn and bitten into pieces by dogs. But the dogs ignored a pair of glasses, which were identified as his.</p> 这也是一位有着悲惨故事的知青，从未婚嫁。
This is a very sad tale of youth too. A pretty girl, never married, had been in a nursing home in remote mountain area in the vicinity of Beijing where she had lived for more than 10 years and I guess will spend the rest of her life there. 这是现在的她，孤苦伶仃，至今一直在北京边远山区的一所养老院里，已经住了十几年了。
She has been here for more than 10 years. 七十年代末知青都开始八仙过海各显其能地寻找彻底回家的路，后来不断有怀旧知青陆陆续续来到这里，来到这虽然没有生我们、但却养了我们多年的红土地上，回来看一眼这里熟悉的山水草木傣寨丛林，我们的生命里融合了一种割舍不下的爱恨交集的感情。这是八十年代的团部营房，我工作了三年的小卖部就在那树影掩映的地方。
In late 70s youth began to by all means find their own way home. However, there were always nostalgic youth that came back here in droves. They come to this Red Earth to look at familiar landscapes, lush plants, Dai villages and the jungles. They combined our lives with the intersection of love and hate feelings. This is the regimental barracks in the 80s, I worked there for three years as the commissary in the tree shaded place <p>没想到水库在被不断地修缮，这是最近一位兵团战友回去时照的大坝外观，我还从来没有见过这么漂亮的水库大坝呢</p><p>Didn't expect to see the reservoir has been in constant repair. This was taken at the back of the dam. I have never seen such a beautiful reservoir dam.</p> 水库之碑 <p>2000年带着女儿回去了一趟，忍不住大喊一声：“我回来啦”！</p><p>In 2000, I took a trip back to the dam with my daughter, I couldn't help shouting out loudly: "I am back" !</p> 我指着这块水库石碑对战友说：“这块碑上的字，应该改成《西双版纳水利四团知识青年青春之碑》，因为我们的青春年华都被埋葬在这里！
I pointed at this reservoir Tablet and said to my friends: "The words on the monument should be replaced by 'The monument to the youth who dedicated their blooming time at the Xishuangbanna Resorvoir!'" 2000年与看守大坝的老乡合影，我们在那的时候他们都是给我们进行再教育的“贫下中农”，是我们学习的对象。
A photo with the manager / guard of the dam In 2000, He was one of the local farmers who was regarded as our re-educator. 带着女儿来到我们初来乍到时临时驻扎的寨子，看到老摩亚（傣语“医生”），她甚至还记得我！
I took my daughter to the old Dai Village where we had stayed temporarily while building our permanent house. The old MOA (the Dai language "Doctor" ) still remembers me! 现在傣寨风情
Now Dai Village life style 现在才注意到原来云南西双版纳是这样多彩多姿！
Never remembered it was so colorful in Xishuangbanna! 2015年的老知青
Here I am now in the United States.